A beautiful and talented woman in her thirties, sitting in front of me in a space of “personal encounter” seeks an answer to one of the biggest questions of the human race: How to find the love of her life? And in a slight tone of sadness, she adds: “The truth is, when I look at most of the married couples around me, sometimes I start to wonder if this is even possible…”
In this article, I will try to answer this question from two points of view: one psychological (based on concepts from Greek philosophy) and the other spiritual.
According to Greek philosophers in Plato’s time there are three types of love:
1. “Eros love” – known as erotic love
This love is based on physical attraction and strong emotions. This love is based on physical attraction and strong emotions. It is the kind of love where “I love you because it makes me feel good and makes me happy to love you” or in other words: “I love you, so I want you to make me happy.” More than that, sometimes, people are in love with the idea of love, with the joy of being in love and not necessarily with the person to whom the love is directed! From here you can already understand on your own what the problem is with this romantic love that we all see in movies and TV series and are dying to experience this pink and sweet happiness… The problem is that it is not love but only infatuation that is based on the self and self-benefit and therefore, sooner or later, it ends. At this point the couple starts talking about the “end of love” and are even seriously considering a divorce. They are unaware that what has ended is just the infatuation phase, to pave the way for a higher phase of love.
2. “Phyllis love”- love based on friendship between two people
Phyllis love is love based on a “give and take” relationship in which two people benefit from each other. In a relationship, the end of true friendship can come if one spouse does not feel supported for example during illness or if priority is given to work, parents, children, or hobbies over the spouse, especially if the spouse complains about it for years without being listened to.
Likewise, if a love based on friendship develops and replaces the sexual eros love, instead of existing next to her (Or if in the first place there was only friendship without romantic love) The feeling of love can die because a good friendship without sexual attraction has no chance of lasting.
Like Eros’ love, Phyllis love should develop over time into a higher form of love – the highest love of all “AGAPE” – unconditional love.
3. “AGAPE” – unconditional love
It is a love that is entirely selfless, in which a person gives love to another even if it is of no use to himself, whether the love given is returned or not. Here are some characteristics of love of this kind:
- The lover wishes the best for his love, feels her worries, experiences her suffering, but also shares his joys.
- He has a deep desire to protect the beloved so that nothing bad will happen to her
- The lover has a constant awareness not to hurt the loved one with any facial expression, any thought, any word and certainly not with any action.
To create the kind of love that really lasts, couples must strive for the highest form of love, and this of course requires hard work, because we can all see how far we are from such pure love and how much our ego drives us…
It is important to note that although the seeming lover does not “gain” anything from this selfless giving, spiritually- pure love (of any kind) evokes the desire for something higher and is therefore the “direct path” to correcting all karma. This kind of love is literally the lifeline of the lover. It will naturally motivate him to correct himself, free him from all the shackles of his personality and finally give him back the free will and the coveted possibility to be the best version of himself.
Professor Claire Rabin, who is a renowned Israeli couple therapist, is one of those psychologists who relies in their work on these different types of love, and she guides couples in crisis on how, through work and personal development, to reach the highest level of love (or divorce!), But what is very interesting is that she admits that there are exceptional couples, whose love she describes as Love of souls.
…Some couples do not need to make an effort to reach the highest level of love. I, myself have come to the conclusion that there is something called “love of souls”, although only a few occasionally find it. It is a very special love and when it happens, the couple knows that something unique has happened to them. This type of love includes a connection from the first moment but is far beyond a romantic attraction. Love of souls has a mystical quality and people who are fortunate enough to find such true love often communicate telepathically and there is perfect harmony between them. It often seems too good to be true, and the couple fears it will end because in such a relationship there is a strong sexual attraction, deep conversations without interruption and unconditional love. Indeed, this is rare and when it happens other relationships do not reach such a level of spiritual marital ties. When a person tastes the taste of true love of that sort, he knows something about love that most people have never experienced.
However, what is described here as “love for one in a million” that cannot be rationally explained, is in fact “twin flames” or “a pair from heaven” that many spiritual teachers talk about, such as Abd Ru Shin in ” the grail message”.
The phrase ‘a pair from heaven’ indicates that from birth each person brings with him certain qualities whose harmonious development is possible only through the one who can display similar traits( the matching traits are not identical but complementary). However, it does not mean that a person can reach a harmonious marriage with only one particular person, but that there are usually several people who have the traits that complement the other. So, there is no need to wander around the world for decades to find the ‘one and only’.
So, what does one do to find a pairing from heaven and thus also find true happiness in a relationship? First, be aware of all the family and social orders that run us automatically and do not really allow us to make the most important choice in life, From our innermost place. Second, to find the right person we need to be connected. But not to Tinder and all the social networks that in most cases can bring into our lives only random partners, because they look good in some picture, but we must be connected to our soul! When this happens, we resonate at a certain energetic frequency and we will attract, according to the law of attraction, our complementary soul. What really helps this law to come true and bring us the great love of our lives, is to know what is important to us in a spouse and pray for this mating, that when it comes it can be defined as a miracle, as a divine grace.
These words imply that whether we are in a “working on the relationship” towards unselfish love or whether we have won the love of a soul mate, in any case we must redefine love as it is in its pure form: giving and transcendence. When the couple lives their lives at this frequency, something else happens, which I call the impact phase. The couple feels that their love cannot remain only in their intimate environment and must break out and influence in wider circles. For most couples, this is the hidden reason behind the desire to have children. But starting a family is only one way to influence love in the world, the main thing is that the couple will remember that “the only way to have a strong and satisfying sexual and personal relationship is not to look into each other’s eyes and forget the world around, but while holding hands together to look out to a third point: the purpose for which they are fighting, to which they are committed” (Slavoj Zizek)