As I board the plane on my way to teach somewhere in the world, I pray. After all the arrangements and organizations involved in such a trip (Except for the event itself, to make sure that my spouse and three sons will not starve during my absence… which means preparing the fridge and pantry for a situation similar to pre-war alert…) I am free to ask the Creator of the world for one thing: the inspiration to bring strength to the renewal of the soul of those dear people, whom I will soon meet.
This time a short prayer came to me: “God, use me!” my own version of the famous prayer of Francis of Assisi ” Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.”
This prayer got answered in an unexpected way, not only it gave me the accurate words to pass the seminar “gym for life” in Europe; but, it gave me a new experience as a teacher: the ability to receive a message from the soul of a deceased young man, to his mother.
In a hall in Luxembourg, right in front of me, sat a woman in her fifties who introduced herself with tears streaming down her face: “My name is Andy (pseudonym). I am from France, and I came to Luxembourg about six months ago to start a new life. I recently divorced.. and I lost a son.. My son committed suicide about a year ago..”
Those who did not shed tears at this woman’s pain, could not stop them when we got to the last part of the seminar in which each participant is asked to write a greeting to his child, (in this process we understand, the best chance this blessing will come true is that we will live it ourselves!) Andy blessed her deceased son. We all cried, and I knew I would have to meet her in person. After returning to the hotel I wrote her an email and we arranged to meet the day before I left for Barcelona.
We met in a cafe, and she started telling the story of her life in which the story of her son Saul was woven.
“A week before the wedding, my ex-husband threatened to strangle me. But I was very young and thought so many people had already bought a plane ticket to get to the wedding so it could not be canceled… So, I got married. And since I grew up in a very Catholic household, I did not dare to think about divorce even though the house we built was saturated with violence from which Saul suffered especially… His father abused him physically but especially mentally… ” “But you know, in the New Testament it says, ‘What God has united, man must not separate,’ and I did not separate”.
I stopped her just for a moment to teach the true meaning of this statement, As the author of the Grail message teaches: “When Jesus said these words, he meant the connection between two souls destined for one another according to a high, divine plan. When this occurs, a third person must not interfere and prevent separation between these two souls. For example, parents must not interfere in the choice of their child’s spouse, which was made out of pure love, because of economic motives or because the chosen spouse is not from the same religion, ethnicity, etc.
I paused for a moment and in front of Andy’s amazed face I continued: : “The point is, that many times the message of Jesus who was spiritual, was interpreted in a material and rational way and thus,‘ what God united ’became equivalent to the earthly power of the church and hence anyone who gets married by one of its representatives, must not divorce.
Long silence. Then she gets to her part in the story.
“I do not know what it is like in the culture you come from, but in my culture, you have to work hard and make a lot of money so that…” she smiled bitterly “it will be possible to go on prestigious vacations, send the children to prestigious schools, buy prestigious clothes” until we reach a prestigious nursing home … Thus, my ex-husband and I worked non-stop in prestigious jobs, which required frequent replacement of residence. My other two children withstood these changes and in the fact that they hardly saw me, but Saul was different. He was a very sensitive child, an artist in his soul and suffered not only from lack of love at home but also in schools. The children harassed him, he could not adapt to new languages and day by day he became more isolated and sadder. When we would meet sometimes late in the evening, he would hug me, ask me to stay with him and ask if there was a chance his father and I would get divorced one day. But I had to work, and work… .and I was not there for him.”
We both cried. Could there be anything more painful in this life, than to find out you weren’t there for your child, even though he explicitly asked for it, and now he is dead, and nothing can be done?
How can one continue to live with this knowledge? With the guilt that haunts a mother’s soul day and night?
And what words can I say to strengthen her spirit?
“God, please use me!” I prayed “Give me the words to comfort and strengthen this woman.”
Then suddenly, the words began to flow through me. These were not wording I received out of inspiration, but words I recognized as the words of Saul’s soul and these were his words:
“Don’t be sad mom! I came to teach you that the most important thing in life is the heart and the hug.”
Andy looked at me in astonishment.
I cannot believe you are saying this Hagit! In Saul’s room, there was a huge poster that he hung on the wall with a picture of all the internal organs of man and a red heart, and above was written: “The most important thing in life is the heart and the hug!”
Yes, it’s his soul that speaks through me, and I went back to clearing myself to get the message he wanted to convey to his mother:
“I came to teach the whole family, and especially you mom, to love. Knowing that the most important thing is the heart. The hug. Unfortunately, I have not been able to inspire you to this in my life, so my death is a desperate attempt to teach you this lesson. Mom, I cannot continue on my way. I’m attached to you until you learn to listen to your heart. Therefore, don’t grieve for me and don’t be sad for my going, but open your heart so that an abundance of love can flow from you to the people who need it. If you do, my death was not in vain, and my soul could be free and happy.”
I try to explain to a trembling Andy, her son’s words:
“Between children and parents there is an alliance between souls. Do you know the difference between an agreement and an alliance?”
She nodded no with her head.
“Once an agreement has been signed between two people, either party will be able to decide to leave if the engagement no longer serves them. In an alliance, we guarantee the happiness of the other and are even willing to take on suffering, so that our ally will awaken. And the most sacred alliance is between children and parents because the laws of reincarnation do not allow coincidences regarding the choice of the parents by the soul. Therefore, at the deepest level, when a child sees that his parents are not where they should be, he may subconsciously take on one difficulty or another, health, social or academic, in order to wake them. In his difficulty he serves as a mirror to the parents, that if they dare to look at it, instead of treating or punishing the child, the child’s difficulty will fall by itself.
Tears. Lots of tears. both of us.
“Andy, I promise one day we will learn together why the soul does not cease to exist after death. But right now, it’s important that you understand that Saul’s soul continues to place a mirror on you: the most important thing is the heart! If you grieve, blame yourself and keep working like crazy to try to forget the pain, his death was in vain. But if you accept his death as the greatest gift anyone could ever give to your soul, to grow toward love, then you will both be redeemed…”
“How?”
“Listen to your heart. it will guide you where you need to, open your heart. Do you remember, for example, what happened at the end of the seminar?”
“Of course!” She immediately replied “I was sitting ‘by chance’ next to Khaled (pseudonym) the guy who fled Syria and who happens to be at the age of Saul! And I thought to myself he’s here in Luxembourg without a mother and I’m here without a son, and maybe I can help him… Maybe it’s not a coincidence…”
“Exactly Andy! Nothing is a coincidence! From now on life will give you repeated opportunities to open your heart, to love. Do not miss them! Do not disappoint Saul!”
“I will not disappoint him!” She said “Promise!”
“Excuse me… you want to order dessert?” Asks a waiter who approached us and felt a little uncomfortable interrupting.
“No thank you” We answered together and then Andy took a picture of Saul out of the bag and gave it to me. I look at the young man, his eyes meeting mine.
“Hagit, I want to give you this picture… Maybe if you hear anything from him, write to me?”
I’m speechless, my eyes full of tears.
“You know,” she continues, “that on Saul’s last birthday, after his death, I decided to divorce his father. And the most amazing thing was the farewell letter I wrote to him, I felt like someone was dictating it to me. I wrote that I forgive him. That I do not want to live in resentment and that I wish each of our family members to find peace and love. Do you think it could have been Saul who helped me?”
I smiled.
Before we part, she looks at me and says:
“I did not know why I chose to come to Luxembourg. I had no particular reason. I just listened to the heart… or Saul?” And she laughs. “But now I know why I came here. It was to meet you!”
And I thought, had I come to Luxembourg just for this meeting, it would have been a reward! For “every one who saves one soul, as if he had saved a whole world.”