The right way to help

Just before the “Gym for Life” seminar in Israel begins, I see her sitting in the audience. A woman in her fifties with shining eyes, which shows her soul: strong desire, vitality, and sincerity.

For a year now I have been praying to find the people who can lead the ALMA INSPIRA project in different parts of the world, and I know that prayer and telepathy are far more powerful means of all social media combined! Of course this is when, these are souls tuned to the same frequency: transcendence and service.

“She will be a leader or at least one of them” I think to myself. But it’s not yet time to say anything. Eight hours of intense seminar ahead of us and she in her mind thinks she came to this event to enrich her inner world. She still has no idea about the revolution that is going to happen in her life, and I need to be patient.

The seminar ends, and that night during my flight to Germany, my sister (who is her friend) sends me a WhatsApp message she received from her: “Listen, and I do not care if I wake you in the middle of the night! Your sister is amazing! She evoked in me passions and dreams, I read some of her articles and my heart tells me: go to Argentina to live next to her, because that’s the woman you should go all the way with.”

The next day I get an email from her, and I know she already knows. Maybe not everything, but her soul woke up and she was determined to listen to her.

The path of every person who wants to serve God no matter which way, is long and demanding. The initial requirement is a sincere and strong will. The next step is a combination of the knowledge that the student is acquiring, with his personal life. Perhaps at university it is possible to teach knowledge unrelated to the personal life of the lecturer, but a spiritual teacher can only teach what he is experiencing and so the initiation starts from where he is. This article does not come to describe the whole process (for that you need a whole book!) But to teach that illness may lead a person to the learning and growth that his soul desires. In the case we will see below, learning related to a deep understanding of what is the right way to help.

Rachel tells me about her back pain. strong pains that paralyze her, her whole life. The medical and movement treatment aren’t helpful, and she has to lie confined to her bed for days waiting for the intense pain to pass, until next time.

I choose to begin with a definition of disease as given by Dr. Edward Bach (which the famous Bach flower remedies named after him). “Rachel, illness is a product of separation between soul and personality. In other words, it is the result of a conflict between our deepest desire which is the will of the soul, and desires that derive from our personality which is primarily a product of what we have received at home and what society teaches us is right.”

She immediately agrees with me. Today, every person with minimal awareness knows what Rabbi Nachman of Breslav has already taught in “Likutey Moharan” and Louise Hay in her best-selling book “You Can Heal Your Life”: The disease cannot be treated without reference to its root, which is not material.

The point is how to decipher the message that the soul sends us through the sick body. Headache as a result of thoughts about how to cover the deficit in your bank account, is an easy case to decipher. Severe back pain (which is not a result of physical work) requires sharper intuition.

I already know that Rachel is a woman who really likes to help and that a lot of people depend on her, but my intuition says she has a wrong definition of help. To confirm this feeling, I ask her to tell me about her childhood, because in childhood one can find the root of many beliefs we have about life.

“I’m the second child to a family of six children. My mother did not function so well. Today I know she had untreated postpartum depression, and I functioned as the mom at home. I would get up at night for my siblings, make sandwiches and send them to school. I did everything. And for all this I won the love and admiration of my father!”

From Rachel’s description of her childhood, it can be understood that the faith that runs her life consciously and unconsciously: Whoever helps wins love and admiration.

“What’s wrong with the fact that I like to help? I don’t want to be selfish!”

Since this whole process is happening through a WhatsApp conversation, she cannot see that I am smiling.

“Don’t worry, dear Rachel,” I reassured her. “The path that ALMAINSPIRA offers is a path of deep connection to the soul, and whoever is connected to his soul will want to help and serve anyway.”

“So what’s the problem with me helping?” She asks again.

The problem is the definition of your personality for help does not match the definition of your soul for help.” 

“Can you explain what you mean?”

I choose to explain the difference based on what was written about help in Ronit Gallup’s book “The Laws: A New Land. A new person.”

“Personality defines help according to how society usually teaches us. And society teaches us a few things. The first thing is that we must help if we want to be considered good people! This is the message we all grew up on, and as women we receive it doubled and multiplied. But, if we help only because that is what is right to do, we may not notice at all what the person in front of us, who needs help, really needs. But only “feel good” about ourselves because we helped. In addition, help that comes from duty is experienced deep within us as a robbery of freedom, and therefore our giving is in fact not pure, but entails hidden violence.”

“Sounds really scary! So.. what is the definition of the soul for help?”

“Help from the soul is an expression from the heart. It is not something we do because we need to, but because it comes from us, it is an expression of our inner purest place.”

And to illustrate the difference, I give an example from my life: “My soul’s desire is to help people reach their maximum potential as human beings. This is not what I was taught was right, but the result of a very inner decision I made at a certain point in my life. I have no need in getting applause for helping, my only joy is to see that my students are indeed making their journey. It’s something that comes from my soul and I just cannot do anything else. On the other hand, if you had left me for a whole day with toddlers and asked me to take care of them or cook for needy people because it is what’s right, it would have been something I would need to make an effort for and not out of will.”

“you’re saying helping is only when it’s fun?” She questions it.

“No!” I try to be more precise “helping from the heart is not always easy and fun but it is always authentic. Of course, sometimes I also reach out for help that is not closely related to my life mission. Like for example giving charity and hospitality or preparing healthy meals for my family. But then, what matters is that the focus in giving is on the recipient’s needs and not the ego of the personality who wants to feel good.”

“And how does that relate to my back pain?” She asks.

“The first point you need to find out is whether in your giving you are connected to your soul or to social norms. It could be for example that your soul longs to help in inner development and your personality leaves you no time for that, because all day long you are busy doing good and saving people from their struggles. If you give me a moment to get to the second point, I’m sure you’ll begin to understand why your soul uses your back to make you stop and think.”

“I’m with you Hagit!”

According to the second wrong definition, to help means to do for the other, to save him! If someone is weak, we are going to face the difficulty in his place. If someone is sad we will go make him happy. And so, on the one hand this definition causes an infinity of people to go ask magicians to solve their problems in life and redeem them. And on the other hand, for those who help in this way- two dangers are expected: one is arrogance and the other is to leave people weak! Saving people is like taking someone on your back and carrying them to a place they were supposed to reach on their own. they will not learn the way, will not progress and evolve, when carrying them on your back you leave them weak!  help from the soul is to show the way so that the other can walk on his own two feet and never depend on anyone.”

Rachel is an excellent student and immediately sums up clearly everything she has learned.

“Which means, the fact that I help a lot is because it’s worthwhile and not always because it’s my heart’s desire and also the fact that I often save people because I’m afraid they do not have the power, is something my soul resists and therefore organizes such pain that I won’t be able to move?”

“Exactly! So, from here you can understand that if you want the back pain to stop, start taking off all the bags you have loaded on yourself because it is appropriate, stop saving people from their journey and start giving out of your soul, help people by teaching them how to fish and not by giving them a fish. “

“I understand. So how long will it take for the pain to stop?”

I’m laughing.

“Be honest Rachel, if the pain were taken from you right now, what do you think you would do?”

“What do you mean..?”

“I am almost certain that you will return to the wrong behavior and continue with your automatic giving.”

“So what can be done?”

“Take all the time you need for your new life journey. It means taking help at home and learning to gently but firmly say ‘no’ to all kinds of requests for help, that will strengthen your personality but not your soul and dreams.”

She laughs.

“It resonates with what you once told me that menopause is a wonderful age because it allows women to give birth to their dreams.”

“Right,” I reply, “and I promise you that if you persist for a long time, your back pain will go away on its own.”

Rachel, as I have already said, is an outstanding student. Very few people I accompany on their soul journey, have the ability to put into action in a short period of time what they have learned and internalized.

Her back pain ceased, and we both gained friendship and soul partnership.

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