Don’t give your children fish, teach them how to catch a fish!

At the last “Gym for Life” seminar, someone asked me during one of the breaks, when exactly did I create this seminar. My immediate thought was: “Three years ago” but my soul reminded me of an event that happened in my life when I was five, which was actually the first seed of my knowledge, that if you have inner strength, you can achieve anything you want in your life!

Israeli summer, a temperature of 38 degrees and my mother takes me to the shoe store in the neighborhood (there were no malls then) to buy me sandals.

“I do not like sandals” I say to my mother “I do not like to show my toes. I want the brown shoes from the display window.”

“Absolutely not,” she replies, “in the summer we wear sandals and that’s what we’re going to buy you.”

“I won’t wear them!”

My mother did not keep arguing with me. She takes the pair of sandals that the saleswoman brought us for measurement, checks that their number is correct, takes my hand and walks towards the cash register, “Hagiti, think logically for a moment.”  She speaks calmly “Your shoes are already small on you and if you don’t wear the new sandals, not only will you be very hot, but your toes will also hurt.”

But I had a different logic: get the brown shoes! And so, to my parents’ surprise, the sandals lay in the box, and I continued to wear the old shoes that really pressed my toes and bothered me, but I did not give up, even though for a five-year-old girl, getting shoes that her parents are not willing to buy for her is kind of like wanting to buy a new car without money.

A few days passed and then I discovered that if I really want something and I focus my thoughts on it, my mind can be very creative in giving me ideas on how to achieve it.

At that time, my aunt Maggie would come about once a week to hang out with me and would usually buy me pizza or ice cream at the end of our walk. And even though numbers have never been my strong side, I did a quick calculation: 4 pizzas or ice creams a month, double 12 months, that’s about the amount I need to buy the brown shoes!

I think it is simply impossible to refuse a five-year-old curly girl who offers you such an offer with sparkling eyes. Aunt Maggie could not refuse, and I returned home with a winning smile, holding with my little hands the shoe box!

Years later, my mother told me that at that moment she said to my father: “This girl will get everything she wants in her life!”

So, here’s the practical summary of the shoe story: 

1. Know what you want.

2. Do not compromise.

3. Agree to suffer discomfort in the meantime.

4. Be creative and flexible in how to get what you want.

5. Agree not to know when your desire will come true.

43 years have passed since then and thanks to the knowledge in the book “In the Light of Truth – The Message of the Grail” I know much better how to harness the inner strength, this invisible but wonderful muscle, to achieve the big and small goals in my life.

But the purpose of this article is to examine whether we, as parents, are helping our children develop this power- That they will need for everything in life, or that because of a misconception of love, we weaken them and sometimes even make them internally disabled.

In retrospect, I can say that I received an excellent education from my parents: unconditional love, freedom to make my journey and many times the clear message: “We give you a hook, so you can fish what you want.” In other words, I knew from a young age that my parents did not have the financial means to help me, and that I would have to fulfill my dreams on my own.

But even if parents have the financial capacity to ensure that their children’s journey is easy and comfortable, it is not necessarily the best thing for either side.

The harm to children?

“Making everything comfortable and easy for your children carries with it the greatest danger of all: Nurturing the laziness of the spirit!” (The message of the Grail)

And on top of that, a sense of bitterness and constant demand of “I deserve everything.”

 In Argentina, I meet a lot of parents who have given and continue to give their children financial help, even though the “children” are sometimes in their forties and even though the parents’ financial situation is not that of the richest people in the world… And what is the result? As mentioned, in most cases, children, who are in fact- adults, unable to stand on their own two feet and move forward in life, in addition their full of complaints and anger about their parents (one of the students at ALMA INSPIRA said her son did not speak to her for two weeks (!!!) after her and her husband decided to stop paying their son, his wife and daughter, health insurance!)

To these parents, I try to help and “replace the chip” that says the purpose of their lives is to serve their children (and grandchildren) until the day they die, in a new “chip” that says “to live their lives”, to make their journey (which doesn’t end once you become parents), to continue to dream and especially to continue to grow and develop their inner world, which is a spiritual work that never ends.

Parents who succeed in internalizing and living according to this new guideline not only feel free, young, and full of passion, but miraculously also receive respect and appreciation from their children. They become parents who are a source of inspiration!

My mother told me one night before bed, about a king who wanted to leave his kingdom to his son but said that before he could, the prince should bring him a considerable sum of money. The son went and told this to his mother, and she (with the “old chip”) gave her only son the money, so that he could give it to his father and become king. The prince arrived, handed his father the long-awaited coins but surprisingly… his father threw all the coins into the fire! “I need you to bring a larger sum” he ordered and did not explain. Again, the son went to the queen, and she wiped away his tears and gave him the required amount. And again, the prince came to his father with the long-awaited coins and the king threw them into the fire and demanded a higher sum. At that moment, the queen began to listen to her feminine intuition and realized that her sweet child would not be able to be a king if he did not learn to exercise his own inner power. And so, the prince went and worked and sweated in various jobs for several years, until he managed to save the requested amount. when he came back to meet his father… The king wanted to throw away the coins he had laboriously earned, to the fire, he shouted at him: “father don’t do this!” Then the king looked at him lovingly and said to him: “Now you are ready to inherit my place and become king!”

Thus, just as the old saying: “Do not give your children fish, teach them how to catch a fish.”

My personal suggestion is: don’t give your children everything, but accompany them and support them in developing their inner strength.

Scroll to Top
דילוג לתוכן